Notes: I  have no idea where this story came from. I have a very long story being beta read, and a direct sequel that's still in progress. Parts of those stories deal with Triona, Methos, and their marriage. A few days ago, I was listening to one a favorite CD, The Trinity Sessions by Cowboy Junkies, and to one of my favorite songs, Misguided Angel. This story popped into my head and demanded to be written. Who am I not to listen to the little voices?

I've never done a song fic before, so it was a new experience for me. I hope you enjoy it.

For those that follow the series, this story takes place a few months after To Capture a Memory.

Thanks for reading, and thanks to April, Tammy, and Jen, for various betaing chores.

Triona and Lexie belong to me, the rest belong to their respective PTBs.

There's an announcement list which can find here. We'll let you know when new stories have been posted and when the archive has been updated.

Rated PG

//song lyrics//



Misguided Angel
by Ithildin
c. 2001


//I said Mama he's crazy and he scares me
But I want him by my side
Though he's wild and he's bad
And sometimes just plain mad
I need him to keep me satisfied//

Amanda and Lexie tugged and patted at my dress, and fussed over the veil, their chatter passing right by me as I realized what I was going to do in a less than an hour.  Married, I was getting married. A part of me still thought it was absolutely insane, but here I was anyway; white dress, veil, flowers, something old, something new... the whole shebang.

I thought about all the people that were here - but mostly about those that weren't. Somehow, I didn't think this would have been what my long dead mother had envisioned for me. Would she have liked Methos? Or more to the point, would she have liked Adam Pierson? After over ten years of 'living in sin', she would have probably just been relieved we were making it legal.

No, I don't think my mother would have approved of Methos one little bit. But then, she would have never known him anyway. I think she would have liked 'Adam' though. If mama was looking down on me from heaven - and I knew she was - then I guess she did know the man I was preparing to wed. I do love him, Mama, more than I can even admit to myself, let alone to him. Please be happy for me; for us. For the life we're beginning together, finally, after all these years. After the fear and the anger, after finding the love again that we used to have. 

//I said Papa don't cry cause it's alright
And I see you in some of his ways
Though he might not give me the life that you wanted
I'll love him the rest of my days//

They finally finished fussing over my dress; Lexie, the designer extraordinare and former student of my soon-to-be husband, and Amanda, ever cheerful, the sun in any cloudy day. I couldn't ask for better friends, or better dressed attendants. Amanda, insisting that it's perfectly fine for the bride, not to mention her bridesmaids, to sample a little pre-nuptial champagne, pressed a glass of it into my none to steady hand. "Good for the nerves," she insisted in that airy, devil may care attitude of hers. Maybe so, I thought, as I sipped at the bubbly liquid.

The bubbles tickled my nose, and unbidden, a distant memory of a wedding long ago crossed into my mind's eye. I was eight, and attending the wedding of an old family friend. I'd been so excited, all dressed up in 'grownup' clothes and going to a wedding with my parents. I'd waltzed with my papa and after, he'd let me have a sip of his champagne. I laughed as the bubbles tickled my nose. He'd told me I was the most beautiful girl in the room - the most beautiful girl ever. "One day, Triona, you're going to have a wedding just like this, and some young man is going to know he's the luckiest man in the world to have you."

I threw my arms around his neck, holding on for dear life. "And you'll be with me, papa, to give me away."

"I'll always be with you, Treeny baby...."

Dear God, I missed my father. He would have been happy for me, I know. No matter how much my life had changed since that day my parents had both died, I've never stopped loving them, or missing them in my life.

It was Lexie who noticed the tears welling from my eyes. She didn't scold me for ruining the makeup she'd so expertly applied, she just squeezed my arm and dabbed at my face with her hankie. Amanda refilled my champagne glass, not saying anything. But her eyes spoke volumes. It was a look I've come to recognize as Immortal - and a look that only other Immortals understand. Who else but another Immortal could possibly understand what I was feeling at that moment?
 

//Misguided angel hangin' over me
Heart like a Gabriel pure and white as ivory
Soul like a Lucifer black and cold like a piece of lead
Misguided angel love you 'til I'm dead//

My left hand felt so light, and I rubbed the bare place on my ring finger where Methos' ring had been for so many years. He wanted to get a new ring for our wedding, but I wanted the one I'd always worn. No other would do. Nothing could mean more to me than the carved, white gold band that he'd given me what seemed like another age ago. So much had happened between us, but even when I'd thought I hated him, I had never taken it off.

What were we doing? God, I didn't know! I knew we couldn't go back to what we were. Before I knew about his past, before I'd become an Immortal, sometime vampire, before he'd left me, before Hakeem. But maybe we could be something new. And in my heart, I knew that was what Methos wanted -- and what I wanted too. But I was scared. Not the kind of fear I felt facing down an opponent intent on taking my head, but something much deeper. Another Immortal could only take my life. But I knew Methos could take my heart, and my soul; and I'd let him. How strange that I'd always been afraid of being consumed by LaCroix, but that in the end, it would be a mild-mannered grad student I met on my doorstep one autumn day.
 

//I said Brother you speak to me of passion
You said never to settle for nothing less
Well, it's in the way he walks
It's in the way he talks
His smile his anger and his kisses//

"You ready?" Duncan asked from just inside the door. I turned to him, smiling despite myself. Maybe Amanda's champagne was working.

"What if I say, 'no'?" He looked worried for a minute, but my smile seemed to reassure him.

"He loves you."

"I know." And I did.

He took my left hand in both of his. Dear Duncan. However much he exasperated me, I knew that I wouldn't be here if not for him. My teacher, my friend, and now, doing me the honour of walking me down the aisle. I knew he'd been unsure of this whole marriage idea in the beginning. But once he had gotten used to the idea, he'd become Mr. Romance. Who knew Duncan had a flair as a wedding planner? At least he'd be able to make a living if he got tired of the antique trade. My sudden laugh brought a raised eyebrow from him, wondering what I found so funny out of nowhere. I didn't even attempt to explain. Somehow, I'm not sure he'd see the humour in it that I did.
 

//Misguided angel hangin' over me
Heart like a Gabriel pure and white as ivory
Soul like a Lucifer
Black and cold like a piece of lead
Misguided angel love you 'til I'm dead//

I leaned up and kissed Duncan's cheek. "Give me a few minutes?"

Nodding, he walked over to where Amanda and Lexie were doing a last minute rearrangement of the bouquets. I made my way out the back door of the bride's dressing room and crossed the hall to where a little altar stood recessed in the back wall of the church. The votive candles placed on it flickered brightly in the dark of the January night. As I knelt, I fingered the cross around my neck, then enfolded it in my hand. The familiar burn coalesced into a radiant heat that warmed my soul. It was an ability that LaCroix found disconcerting and not a little unsettling. I didn't know how I did it, but the power of Holy objects didn't repel me like other vampires, instead almost the opposite happened - they seemed to envelop me with whatever power they held. Maybe it had something to do with being Immortal and Holy Ground.

Now that power comforted me as I prayed. Prayer had been my solace during my darkest days - and there had been many of those. Now I prayed for happiness and love with a man that I knew better than I knew myself, but somehow still remained such a mystery to me. What we were doing seemed so... traditional. I thought that I didn't really believe I deserved this. The choices I'd made, that path I'd chosen to walk. Surely I wasn't really entitled to be here, in God's house, to marry a man I loved.

The warmth settled me, a silence fell over me, and my soul was still. I was welcome here.
 

//He says Baby don't listen to what they say
There comes a time when you have to break away
He says Baby there are things we all cling to all our life
It's time to let them go and become my wife//

Before the altar, Duncan placed my hand in Methos' and I looked up into the beautiful eyes of the man I was about to marry. All my doubts and fears seemed to fall away in the reassurance of his gaze. A little smile tugged at his lips as I squeezed his hand. Methos looked so calm; though as many times as he's been married, I guess he would be. I pushed that thought away. It didn't matter. I'm not one in a long line of wives to him. I'm me, unique, and he loved me.
 

//Misguided angel hangin' over me
Heart like a Gabriel pure and white as ivory
Soul like a Lucifer
Black and cold like a piece of lead
Misguided angel love you 'til I'm dead//

The familiar weight of my ring was back, the gold still cool against my finger. Methos' fingertips brushed my cheeks as he tilted my head up for the traditional kiss. The look on his face, intense and devoted, told me more than any words that he was thinking of no one but me. Our lips touched and I pressed my hand against his chest, feeling his heart beating there and the warmth that always seemed to radiate off of him. I remembered the first time he kissed me, over a cup of coffee in the sitting room. How I'd loved 'Adam'. How I love Methos.

The kiss ended, and Methos brushed his fingers across my lips. "Happy?" he asked softly.

I realized, almost in surprise, that I was. I just nodded, not quite ready to speak, to break the spell. I closed my eyes for just a moment, feeling a fleeting presence brush past me. Perhaps just a stray draft, but I thought it was more. "I love you," I whispered to my parents.

Opening my eyes, I looked up at my husband. "I'll love you forever." I knew forever was a long time, but at that moment, I believed it. And looking into Methos' eyes, I knew he believed it too.

End


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