Rating: PG13
Characters: Methos/OFC
Summary: Leaving is the
hardest part of happily ever after.
Notes:
This is another story in my Highlander/Grey’s Anatomy series. As usual,
it’s more Highlander than it is Grey’s. The other stories are
Irreconcilable Differences, Seriously, The Tragedy That We Knew As The
End, The Final Word You Ever Uttered To Me Was Love. As with Grey’s,
I’m using a song title as the story title. In this case, it’s ‘So
Close’ from Enchanted.
That being said, I have a feeling people are going to yell at me for
this one. But remember, it’s an anti-Valentine story! And it’s me [g]
You know how I am!
So Close
by Ithildin
c. February 2008
Emily closed her eyes in the cool
darkness, reminding herself she was a
grown woman, a top rated surgeon, and not a teenaged lovesick girl.
It had seemed an innocent enough
idea, a night at the movies with a group of people from the hospital,
the last showing of Enchanted at the dollar theater on Valentine’s Day.
How was she to know the wretched movie would leave her feeling like
this?
Sighing
softly, she glanced down the row at Derek and Rose, who were giggling
quietly, sharing some secret joke, holding hands like they were
teenagers. Emily liked Rose well enough, she was one of the best
surgical nurses in the hospital, but she wasn’t Addison. Well, at least
she wasn’t Meredith Grey, that was something, she supposed. The young
resident was a promising surgeon, but she was bad for Emily’s childhood
friend, and she was glad Derek had moved on.
Emily hadn’t gotten
over the departure of her best friend, and Derek’s former wife, Addison
Montgomery. Or, for that matter, over the final sundering of her best
friends’ marriage. She hadn’t realized how much Derek and Addison’s
divorce had affected her. Not until tonight, watching the movie. Maybe
the fact that the male lead bore a striking resemblance to Derek had
something to do with it. Derek and Addison had been a constant of her
adult life, and now that was gone. Derek was dating and Addy had moved
to Southern California to start a new life. Emily missed her so much.
Missed what they had all had together.
A little farther down the row were
Mark and some nurse from pediatrics who was the woman of the week. They
weren’t paying any
attention to the movie. Just like the old days. The three of them had
grown up together, back in New York. Just how many movies had they gone
to over those years? Derek, shyly holding the hand of a girl from the
neighborhood, and Mark necking with one. And her? What about her? More
often than not she’d just tagged along after the boys. Derek had been
her best friend, and Mark she’d tolerated because he was Derek’s best
friend. Those memories were comforting, and they grounded her. They
were part of what made her Emily Scott when she wasn’t quite sure who
Emily Scott was anymore.
Turning her attention back to the
movie, she watched the hero take the princess into his arms and begin
to waltz. And then the words of the song registered and everything else
that was wrong with this night, that was wrong with her life, slammed
into her.
You’re
in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive
He
was too close. He was always too close. And yet, at the same time, she
craved that closeness. Even when she thought his nearness would
suffocate the life from her. But no matter what, she couldn’t seem to
escape her ex-husband. Her love. Her life. That’s because you don’t really want to.
It
had been a little more than a year since Methos had reentered her life.
Their divorce had long been final, and the annulment was working its
way to completion. But somewhere along the way, despite her very best
intentions, they were a couple again. It wasn’t what she’d wanted, or
so she tried to tell herself, but it had all seemed to have a crushing
inevitability that she hadn’t been able to avoid.
Emily loved
him. It was as simple as that. Oh, she’d hated him too, but that wasn’t
enough to make for a clean break. She wasn’t sure what it would take
for that to happen. She knew what Duncan thought, and he was probably
right. No, he was right. But the thought of a life without Methos in it
left her feeling barren and empty. The fourteen years they’d had
together were filled with so many happy memories, most of those
memories having nothing to do with immortality, either his or hers.
Duncan didn’t think she’d truly accepted she wasn’t mortal any longer.
That she was clinging to a life that no longer existed. And more
importantly, so was Methos. Emily needed to let go, because Methos
never would.
A life
goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with
you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close
Methos’
hand slipped into hers, pulling it gently down to the warm place
between his thighs. She leaned her head against his shoulder, wishing
there could really be a happily ever after. When she’d been that girl,
all those years ago, at the movies with Derek and Mark, Emily had
actually believed there could be such a thing. That somewhere, there
was her very own Prince Charming waiting out there for her. And then,
one afternoon, in the middle of the Shepherd’s living room, Derek had
introduced her to Adam, and she knew she’d been right.
But
fairy tales always have a dark side, and happily ever after comes with
a price. Hers hadn’t been an evil stepmother, but immortality. And
Emily’s death had come, not at the hand of a wicked queen, but at the
hand of her Prince. That act had irrevocably tainted her trust and had
poisoned their love as surely as Snow White’s apple.
Emily had
fled, thinking that she couldn’t bear to look at her husband ever
again, never mind ever be with him again. But Methos had had other
ideas. It hadn’t happened overnight, but here they were, sitting in a
movie theater, slipping back into the life she had been sure was
forever gone.
So close
to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how
far we’ve come
So far we are so close
Methos
leaned in, kissing her cheek, and she thought she might cry. It would
be so easy to give in, to do what he wanted. He’d almost convinced her
that they should move back in together. Could remarriage be far behind?
Deep down, Emily knew it would be a horrible mistake. But she seemed to
lack the strength to tell him so. To make it stick. Every time she
tried to reassert her independence, he’d look at her with those eyes,
and that velvet voice would convince her that all would be well, if
only she’d trust him.
She wanted to; more than anything.
But
she knew it wasn’t fair to let him go on believing there was hope, that
she could go back to how it had been. She didn’t want to hurt him
either, and that made her a coward. She was terrified; knowing the only
way open to her was to disappear. Emily had to leave her life behind.
Abandon her love, her friends, and her career, to be totally alone in
the world. She didn’t know if she had the courage to do that. But if
she truly loved Methos and what they had been, then, in the end, it was
her only option.
A sensation of cold panic coalesced
in the
pit of her stomach as she realized that she’d finally made a choice.
She clutched unconsciously at Methos’ hand, and he looked over at her.
“Sorry,” she whispered. “My pager. I’ll be right back,” she lied,
getting up and scooting past him.
Feeling like she couldn’t
breath, she pushed open the door of the theater exiting into the empty
lobby, half running towards the entrance. Then she froze, covering her
face with her hands; shoulders shaking with barely controlled grief.
There was no happy ending. There would never be, no matter where she
ran, or how far away she traveled. There would only ever be regret and
soul numbing sadness.
How
could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far
The
sound from the movie filled the lobby around her as someone exited the
theater. No, not someone, it was Methos. His hands came to rest on her
shoulders. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong, Emmy?”
Was
she? As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t. He might figure it out,
realize she was going to leave. And he couldn’t know that, not if there
was any chance of her escaping.
Sighing, she leaned back against his
chest. “It’s nothing,” she said softly.
He turned her in his arms, searching
her eyes. “It’s something,” he contradicted.
Shrugging,
she dissembled. “I guess I’m not ready for double dates with Derek and
his new girlfriend. I was thinking of Addy, and how much I miss her.”
Nodding,
he smoothed back her curly red hair. “I know you’ve been missing her.
Maybe you should take a few days off and go visit her. I know she’d
love to see you.”
“Maybe.” Emily wrapped her arms
around him,
holding him tight. “Methos, can we spend the weekend together? Just the
two of us? We could go to Duncan’s cabin.”
“Of course we can, love!” He returned
her embrace. “Whatever you like.”
A
pang of guilt enveloped her at the note of hope in his reply. But she
needed one last memory of love to hold close when he was gone. When her
life was gone. He would never forgive her, after. But that was still to
come. For now, she still had time, not much of it, but some. Enough at
least for one last moment of joy before the curtain fell on happily
ever after.
So
close, and still so far
End
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