1997 Sci-Fi Cruise Quote List

The Sci-Fi Cruise Quote List WARNING!!! VERY LONG!!! Was 93 pages in a 5"x3" notebook.
WARNING!! Contains adult content...

Participants in quote list (All are cruise members unless specified. Last names provided if known): April, Shirl, Tippi, Denise, Nigel, Kira (she was on the phone), Mexican tour guide at Chichen-Itza, Bill, Peter, unknown passengers in hall, Dan (Tour organizer), and Barry.


Mine's not like that. Mine's the pop up kind.

It shattered between my thighs.

I've just never seen people do it in person before!

Cleanse my palette baby!

Get it off.

Essence of Richie in every bite.

He's like sucking her toys.

Don't kiss him! He's got toe lips!

Swallow or spit out?

Earl Gray tastes weird.
Does it taste like Picard?
No, Worf.

Drink your coffee and get rid of gingivitis.

My timing was screwed up and I inhaled.

It's so easy to make me tipsy. I'm an easy date. And an easy lay.

Fake what really well?

Drink one of these babies, and your hips won't be hurting no more baby.

That's what he says when he wants you to swallow.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Now I'm actually leaking.

Suck it down Ith!

Felt like I wasn't wearing underwear.

They make you get off.

Daddy! Daddy! Come out of the hole!

They're having a three-way!

I'm so drunk I'm in bed with Denise!

This is how drunk you gotta get me to get me in bed with someone.

I think all my hormones are drunk too.

Who's she supposed to be in bed with?

Pop out. Pop up. Pop in.

She's exercised her pelvic muscles.

We got to get you off, it's costing you money.

Come on, get off the phone, I've got Pete.

She's getting hot looking at A More Permanent Denise.

Chistiakoff sisters cause they have muchos chest.

I'll have to decide some other time when Mr. Otter isn't humping the bed.

Look at her hair. She looks like Barbarella!

Mr. Otter just mounted Charles.

I like to have weight on me when I sleep.

I'll give him a tampon.

Here Pfffti!

Port Charles has been violated?

I've never felt that type of weight on me. But I'll give it a whirl.

On day five of the experiment, she got lucky.

He should come to my house and see my ceiling. It's got great points. It's great for anal penetration.

Go put clothes on.
Go put pussies on?

Everybody's playing with it.

These are the voyages of the USS Orgasm. It's mission: To seek out new life, find new civilizations and fuck them silly.

I'm going to jump his long, hard bone.

It gets painful when it gets long.

We don't want to toss off the Otter.

Indiana Jones and the Condom of Doom.

He's not an angel. Well, he's an angel of smut.

You can get closer, but don't try to cuddle.

I'm a pod person. Submit to me.

Anyone need lube?

She'll go over there and hump his leg.

Soon we'll be out of the withering view.

I'm the threesome girl.

I'll out walk you, big floating woman!

Eww! It's foaming!

What does it mean with women? Big feet, big clit?

I'm such a mammal.

All Brits take 20 minutes to warm up.

Give in to your inner Natpacker. Then go jump off a bridge.

We don't want him hard.

I really don't like it when my nipples don't point the same way.

I'm all warm and tingly inside.

Take the condom off the straw.

That's not the impression I wanted to make, that I bark.

There are many things we must learn to turn down.

I'm full of frisk.

Blood is a renewable resource.

Shirl is a bottomless ravenous pit of desire and hunger.

I've got Beatles hair again.

Maybe the cockroach is done washing its hair.

I speak, therefore I quote.

They're oiling up their peg legs.

I'm the all you can eat Chinese buffet.

All I need is a mule to come through here. Two of them even.

The bugs migrated from Texas just to find me.

What was I gonna do, stab him?

Dust mite want a cracker. Dust mite want a cracker.

Don't flash your fruit.
I'm not going to touch that line.
Touch it! Go ahead and touch it!

Your social upbringing has once again foiled your chances for an erotic encounter.

We're watching our breasts bounce.

We're comparing how bouncy and perky our breasts are.

She smells like a man, tastes like a woman.

We deserve at least a dry hump.

Doesn't he look like he wants a cuddle?
No, he looks like he wants a kick in the face.

One minute I have two butt cheeks on the floor, the next, I'm balancing precariously on one.

My daddy's a fan girl!

It's autoerotic dancing.

She's a Romulan!

They won't think I said it cause I don't have a daddy. I was conceived immaculately.

We're turning you into a sexpot.

Tippi's making you look like a girl.

Ears are the devil's tools.

I am the devil's tool.

He has a devil of a tool.

I am so damn girly.

I'm going to the Friday one naked.

Nebula nominated writer and beautician.

I bet the little boy has better hair than I do.

Drooling over Captain Nick.

He wants her.

We're gonna pout until he notices us.

They had to restock the sugar after I went through it.

I didn't go down first, she went down first!

Let's not piss in the wind.

I held his garbage!

We recommend you drink purified water or tequila.

That's the advantage of having a big head. Your hat sticks on through anything.

I have a many track mind. It all goes in the same direction.

Ancient Mayan Pizza Hut.

After people climb those stairs, they're ready to be sacrificed.

I can't walk down those steps. Then we'll throw you down.

I knew it was 5000 years ago, but why couldn't they have rails?

I'm stewing in my own juices.

And I thought I had a dirty mind. Mine is a hospital floor.

Hot, sweaty, gross fun.

I'm having bad urges.

I could do serious damage to a member of the male species.

She'll beat you up then screw you.

You could get off here and hitchhike to America.

I am not a hamster!

Excuse me while I tie my hormones down.

He can deflower the virgins in honor of Neptune.

Why wave? Let's flash them!

Shirl brave when she sleepy and on drugs.

Not cute like I want to do him or anything.

It's blowing the tea into my mouth.

Get out the Velcro!

The horse shot him!

I kissed a frog and it didn't turn into a prince!

Next time, I'll slip the frog some tongue.

That's the sound you would have made if you had blown that penis last night.

Only time you'd get a sound out of one of those.

Nobody took a picture of you blowing the penis?

Drag queen of the night.

Anything to declare? Diarrhea!

I look like I'm lifting up for a fart! Hurry up!

Hurry up in there!

Now begins the debauchery.

It's s an armpit shot.

A Mexican tour guide stole my virginity. Console me!

Crumbs become me.

My people will come, even if we have to jerk them off ourselves.

You don't get to be a high class ho without being vain.

She looks like she's having sex with the invisible man.

Kindly come to the Purser's office for a quickie.

She doesn't make your hormones surge.

Maybe one of us will get lucky.

Some men come in big packages.

Ithy would have been evil, but she didn't have time.

We would have engaged in debauchery, but we didn't have time.

They ought to have a blanket vendor at the door.

Get in touch with your inner Natpacker. Then wash your hands.

It's not my fault that I'm so charismatic that he can't resist talking to me.

Captain Nick said something bad about you, so Ninja kicked him in the crotch for you.

I'm Super-Co-ordinated Woman! In a twirly skirt!

Only he gets to sit that close.

Turn-2-3-4. Kick-2-3-4. Turn-2-3-4. Punch-2-3-4. Kick-2-3-4. Attack-2-3-4.

He gets to deflower the women. It's the law of the sea.

I miss Manuel. Even if he was a lech.

I feel like I have radiation sickness.

We'll give him a small one so he won't feel so inadequate.

I feel like a love sick puppy.

Let's give him some hospitality... in our suite.

I should be illegal.

Plug me baby!

It's so long and thin.
Like cervix fingers!

There's your perfect food April. Maple syrup. Just chug it down.

You're lacking a certain something that makes sprawling attractive.

You're no Methos April.

Sprawl me baby!

When I kissed that stingray, it sucked all the stuff from between my teeth.

My body is manufacturing Evil Pink!

It's wide and thick but it's too bulky.

Having fun, sweating our butts off. Wish you were here with us.

Do I look like your servant?

She's so wise and so young.

I'm cutting the tip off.
That's cruel! Shouldn't you give it a little suck first?

This is so much fun, rocking back and forth.

If there's no pee, it's morning.

I don't remember it being bigger before.

Go to hell and get debauched.

I'm stroking Methos's gills.

She made another filthy reference. Smack her!

Our ovaries don't throb for you.

Is Methos good now that you have him? That long tail must be good for something.

Transvestite donkeys and the men who love them on the next Geraldo.

That time it slipped out by itself.

Just wait till you're over thirty. Your little hormones will be screaming "Procreate! Procreate!"

I hope it's not consorting with your underwear.

The lavender cord and blue cord were trying to mate.

I have the sudden image of Dieter from Sprockets saying, "Pet my wookie! Pet it!"

What do you do with a drunken wookie?
Whatever it wants.

What do you do with a horny wookie?
Run for your life.
Give it a vibrator.

I'm in lust with a comic book character.
Yes you are. At least it's not Snoopy.

What goes down must come out.

Instruct me in the art of love. That's what fifty buck hos are for.

It's premature hugulation.

If you stroke it, it will come.

Kira is very physical.

You can deflower Kira.

He's no Audrey Hepburn!

She's doing it otter style!

Why don't you shave your head? Go for the Nigel buzzcut look!

Blow on it!

Be still the pitter patter of my little hormones.

The law of the sea declares that he must perform a strip show... privately.

The days are long for Master Nick.

It's page 69! Say something dirty so I can put it in!

Put it in baby!

We should do a scene. You and Denise go up there and dance and I'll pretend to be a jealous lover. I'll drag you off and start dancing with her.

That's better than stirring and arousing something else.

I just wanted to prove that I could do it more than five minutes. That's more stamina than most men.

You don't qualify as someone to use that on Shirl.

Yes, we can see you can masticate quite well April.

Call Fox Mulder! Tell him to bring the leather!

Bring the handcuffs Fox! Chain you to the wall!

But he didn't say "Chain me to the wall and have me!"

Make me your lust puppy.

What you should yell when they come at you with a camera: "Don't steal my soul!"

Oh please sir! Don't take my picture! I need my soul to sell to Satan!

God! I'm so perverted! It doesn't want to be on the bed. It wants to do it on the floor.

Excuse me while I flash you.
We've seen it before April. Everyone has.

Why waste brain cells on that man?

Did you just spray that down your underwear?

She has a very active butt.

My buttocks are very expressive.

Now she's got her boobs hanging out and her skirt to her waist.

She has 60 pounds of breast.

She's from Texas, the big hair state. No offense Tippi.

Run! It's the curried goat! Curried goat of doom!

Shirl's faking an orgasm out here.
No, I was faking the approach of an orgasm.

You gotta waggle it like you mean it.

Don't waggle at me you tramp.

Two on one. They charge extra for that.

He was brought across in 1228. Preyed on drag queens for their nipple tassles.

I don't like that stuff showing.

She's so cute, you just wanna smack her!

I'll tell them you're coming.

I'm in a Bullwinkle mood, so I'll have the mousse.

If It offends thee, snip it off.

We're passing the Naval Station.
Is that where they inspect you for belly button lint?

General by day, showgirl by night.

I like call girl better.

Oh Lucius! Let your Mt. Vesuvius of Luv erupt in me!

General by day, showgirl by night. Call girl on alternate weekends.

We're being so cruel to Lucius baby.


His name was Nick, he was a showgirl. He worked in the Raven. It was his strip haven. (Sung to Copacabana)

Your tender ticket fell tenderly to the floor.

S&N. Not quite as good as S&M.

I'm weird. I'm a freak of nature.

I swear. You're going to write down everything I say now.

I need sex.

I'm in silverware withdrawal.

He likes thirsty women.

Spear me with your dill spear of luv!

It tastes like Mel?!?

You're not going to learn any kinky secrets about me and Mel.

Ithy no want no nasty Gray Poupon.

Order up some booze, some guys...

You too can mutilate Simba!

Warning: Scorned Woman is hot enough to satisfy your urges and hot enough to give you third degree burns. (An actual advertisement)

Watch where you're going. I don't have eyes on my butt.

Da da da dum! Papoose Woman!

You were hoping to meet that special someone to be your thong man.

It's a measure of how much you love someone. How uncomfortable your underwear is.

I think her name means she has a penis.

Soap turns him on.

I'm better in bed than Kira.

I have an urge to start a food fight again.
Save it for the plane.

Oh no! It'll have Mel cooties!

She gives good arm.

It's time for the luggage picture.

Now we know how much it'll take to get her drunk, so she can hump him.

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