Real Life Quotes Part 8
Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute...I'll find someone.
Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step -- blaming my parents.
To understand all is to fear all.
I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.
The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend I am not home.
When I dance through life I do the Texas Two-Step.
My body is a temple. Do you want to come over for midnight mass?
To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
A dead artist makes more money than a living artist.
I wrote a whole paragraph. I'm going to treat myself by going to the paragraph.
Hey, how do I set my laser printer to 'stun'?
Think... It's good practice for when the computer is down.
I hereby declare our entire respective reproductive systems incommunicado. I don't want my uterus getting any bright ideas about calling a travel agency.
But it's true. The people you think are cute and are attracted to turn out to be the scum.
Yes, I am insane. Thank you. Drive through.
To kill with cuteness and jello weaponry, there's only one name you need know: NINJAMATIC!!!!
I don't want to work *through* my hostility. I want to work *with* my hostility.
I need help you say? <shrug> I'm enjoying life. And as long as I don't go on a killing spree (that can be proven it was me) isn't that what matters?
Which is why when I have coffee, I don't jiggle, I don't bounce, I *explode*. (In a clean and hygienic sense).
Men are always whining about how we women suffocate them. Personally, I think if you can still hear them whining you're not pressing hard enough on the pillow.
The evil shall inherit the earth!
I think any animal that waddles up as a method of attack is less than impressive.
Well, no one's boobs know how to type right off the bat. You have to teach them!
The meek shall inherit the talking parakeet.
I'll fork you in the butt