Real Life Quotes Part 3
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
If you are given on open-book exam, you will forget your book.
COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid, too.
A diplomat is someone who can say "nice doggy," while he finds a big stick. A diplomat is also someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Supplement: A .44 Magnum beats 4 aces.
The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
No problem is so large that it cannot be run away from.
Ric's adjunct: There is no personal problem which cannot be solved by the proper application of high explosives.
Irony, how like a pop tart thou art.
So many blunt objects, so little time.
Well, I guess being infamous is better than being, oh I dunno, a cheese log. Tho chees logs *are* good with crackers.
You will see the sky every time you look up, unless you're inside, in which case you will see the ceiling, unless of course you don't have a ceiling, in which case you will see the sky.
Pull the pin and Mr. Hand Grenade is no longer your friend.
Being rejected for a cult sacrifice would be a pretty good kind of rejection.
Close doesn't count... unless you're using hand grenades or nuclear warheads....
It's a little known fact but I was the Horseman Kmart.
You wouldn't know mellow if it reached up a bit you on the arse!