He really would need therapy if he married you.

She's Richard Simmons' love child.

"I think your mother had a brief laison with Richard Simmons. and you are the results."
"Wait till I tell my dad!"
"This is something for the X-Files. The fact that Richard Simmons procreated is scary enough."

You did say your dad was adopted, right? So, maybe your dad is Richard Simmons long lost brother.

She sees a Jeep Cherokee and she says she's having cheesecake.

"The four man freestyle whoop-te-doo."
"That sounds just slightly slashy."

"They're acting like teenagers."
"They're men."

It's garlic stick man!

It's Worf in his pageboy days.

Nah, I think I'm gonna be a lesbian.

She can push her breasts up to Canada, I won't budge.

I express my innermost feelings by peeing on your bed.

Like I always say, if you want something done right, let a woman do it.

He used the Eastern European way of advancement, through assassination.

I've forgotten how much tequila makes me want to write... or have sex.

"I'm just funny that way."
"Funny, ha-ha and funny, strange."

"Do we want a drinkie?"
"Are we breathing?"

That good-for-nothing man who spawned you.

Lucky for her, his presence graced her life.

If I can't get the girl, at least give me more money.

Ah... fan fiction... How sweet a mistress and how harsh a taskmaster.

I keep wanting to meet a supermodel - so I can force-feed the poor thing.

It's nice having a slave sometimes

Look, a bear butt!

A single sunbeam is enough to drive away shadows

Fortune cookies:

All fingers are not the same.

Be cheerful! Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.

On the eigth day, God created whiskey to stop the Irish from taking over the world.

You have such precious moments eyes!

He collects women like lice.

I'd pray for you, but the people I pray to, you don't want their help.

It was like a box of chocolate with bad dialog.

I'd probably like my doctor a bit more if he wouldn't walk around humming "Another One Bites the Dust" all the time.

If I'm going to die in a terrorist attack, I want it to be at the happiest place on earth, damn it!

Bunnies are sneaky, even ones with sugar for brains. They've been known to highjack planes and overthrow governments.

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