10/7 episode

"You live with the god of love and you don't even suckle at the teats of my wisdom." -- Cupid

"Go out and exercise your option to have sex!"
"Which option, the phone option or the inflatable option?" -- Cupid and member of support group

If you don't get busy soon, we're going to sacrifice you to the volcano gods. -- Cupid

You'll be my minion, my love soldier. -- Cupid

Gals just love to take the mental ill home to ma. -- Cupid

Did I leave the hairdryer on? Does my tie match my shirt? Should I really have left grandma home alone with the rotreillors when I ran out of kibble? -- Cupid

Nothing wrong with sleeping. It's my second favorite thing to do in bed. -- Cupid

10/10 episode

Coffee without the caffeine. Can someone explain that to me? It's like sex without the spanking. -- Cupid

My favorite color is rug burn. -- Cupid

I hardly ever do those midnight sacrifices of small animals. I can't get the otter blood out of my coffee table. -- Cupid

"Bad time of the month huh?"
"What did you say?"
"First rents due, bills to pay, always makes me cranky." -- Cupid and Claire

I never ask you for anything. Except for bail last week. I see statues and fountains and I think public urinal. -- Cupid

I won't be there next week. I have a greek wedding and a gay bathhouse to be at. You know, where people go to fall in love. -- Cupid
 

10/17 episode

"I thought you were the one man militia of love?" -- Cupid roommate

To paraphrase a drinking partner of mine, 'Don't trust freaks bearing gifts'. -- Cupid

"Let me tell you about another story about a guy who never let the woman he loved see her... Phantom of the Opera, ever hear of that?"
"Oh, for a falling chandelier." -- Cupid and Claire

10/21 episode

Sometimes it really hard to find Mr. Right, so find Mr. Right Now. -- Cupid

I am Cupid. Where ever there is men, women and alcohol, there is where I will be found. -- Cupid

"You won't find your dream man until men start wearing their resumes on their chests."
"Well, women have been doing it for centuries." -- Cupid and Claire

I'm sorry sir, is my monkey bothering you? -- Claire

I'd like you to meet Claire. She owns a lot of neat shoes. -- Cupid

10/24 episode

I am personally responsible for the early retirement of 20 of Hera's vestal virgins. -- Cupid

"The Iliad was phallic."
"What?"
"You know, the walled city, the horse charging forward..."
"No, don't."
"Delivering it's payload."
"I knew you'd go there." -- Cupid and Claire

"That's when I felt that pang."
"Pang?"
"It's the female equivalent of 'schwing!'" -- Claire and Champ, Cupid

"You want a roommate?"
"Be careful how you answer. He's like a vampire you invite over the threshold." -- Cupid and Champ

"Can I show you something stupid?"
"Something stupid isn't something a guy calls his..."
"No, it isn't." -- Claire and Unknown