If God intended men to smoke, He would have set him on fire.

Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route.

Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Nice guys don't finish nice.

It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.

It's better to have a horrible ending than to have horrors without end.

Never eat more than you can lift.

Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.

It was such a lovely day I thought it was a pity to get up.

I may have my faults, but being wrong isn't one of them.

If today was a fish, I'd throw it back in.

Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.

I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

Stop crime at its source! Support Planned Parenthood.

The 100% American is 99% an idiot.

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.

There's no point in being grownup if you can't be childish sometimes.

You're being followed; cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.

You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.

The whole purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others.

A gleekzorp without a ternpee is like a quop without a fertsneet (sort of)

Laugh at your problems, everyone else does.

If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.

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