People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.

Have a nice day . . . somewhere else.

Was today really necessary?

Life without bears would be unbearable.

Lead me not into temptation; I can find it myself.

I've no time to prepare a profound message.

Life is too important to be taken seriously.

Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!

You're twisted, depraved, and rotten to the core . . . I like that in a person.

Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.

Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven't sent one out.

It's been Monday all week.

When all else fails, lower your standards.

I'm surrounded by idiots!

Do unto others before they do unto you.

Why be normal?

I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference.

Don't take life too seriously; it's not permanent.

If you're gonna go, go obnoxiously.

I'm only a hypochondriac when I'm feeling sick.

I don't think I'd be so bored if I didn't have so much to do.

Never trust a nun with a gun.

It's an IBM; it's got an excuse.

Don't compute and drive; the life you save may be your own.

No matter how bad a situation is, if you can't laugh at it, you are in really deep sh*t.

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