Don't drink and drive - you might hit a bump and spill it.

Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.

Keep America beautiful, swallow your beer cans.

If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.

Drive defensively, buy a tank.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.

Famous last words: Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.

Famous last words: What happens if you touch these two wires tog--

Famous last words: Don't worry, it's not loaded.

Everything I need to know I got from watching Gilligan's Island.

It doesn't matter how hard you've studied; the material won't be on the exam anyway. *

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.

If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.

Reality is a figment of your imagination.

Life is just one of those things.

Don't use force; use a bigger hammer.

Make WAR, not SEX, it's safer!

You know it's going to be a bad day when you jump out of bed and miss the floor.

I can handle pain until it hurts.

It's not what you say in your argument, it's how loud you say it.

Live teddy bears are best.

Nothing is illegal until you get caught.

The ultimate reason is "because."

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