All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they AREN'T after you.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

Your lucky number is 32345543423225. Watch for it everywhere.

They told me I was gullible .. and I believed them.

When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.

Don't tell me any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.

Look out! Behind you!

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

Kiss your keyboard goodbye!

If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

Your lucky number has been disconnected.

Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.

Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.

Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.

I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Today is an excellent day to have a rotten day.

Back to Bumper Sticker Quotes