I'm not a creep; I'm actually a wonderful person hiding inside the body of a creep.

I'm not crazy; I'm just a sane person trapped in the body of a lunatic.

Being good at being stupid doesn't count.

Some have morals, some don't, most simply ignore them.

You can't be late until you show up.

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is; it's always room temperature.

I just love nonverbal communication!

If we don't know it already, chances are we're not interested in learning it.

You've gotta' die in creative ways.

They keep saying the right person will come along;

I think mine got hit by a truck.

Get out of my reality!

If it's not nailed down, it's fair game.

It's beautiful the way it is; why spoil it by making it legal?

Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun.

It's not when you get up, but when you get down.

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.

To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy.

Of course there is no reason for it, it's just my policy.

Of course it's the murder weapon. Who would frame someone with a fake?

When in doubt, use brute force.

Excellent time to become a missing person.

A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.

Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

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