"Nicholas, you have thought this through... Haven't you?"
"What, and spoil the fun?" -- LaCroix and Nick

"Please don't talk like that."
"Sorry Nick, but I've always talked with my mouth. I can't help it." -- Nick and Natalie

"I have a date with a kangaroo." -- Tracy

"Transfer Captain. We're waiting for his [baby kangaroo] crate to get here. He broke out of the other one, and got into a fight with a cartoon cat." -- Uniformed Cop

"Damn cartoon cats, they're always causing trouble." -- Reese

"That is a fine refrigerator." -- Nick

"Nick... don't move... There's a baby kangaroo right behind you. And it's wearing boxing gloves."
"What should I do? I've never gotten along well with baby kangaroos. They don't like me for some reason." -- Natalie and Nick

"Never buy a house next ot a theme park called 'Cockroach World'." -- Fred MacMurray

"Captain, I think I know this kangaroo. I've arrested him. Drunk and disorderly."
"You or the kangaroo?"
"Both." -- Nick and Reese

"BP's 80 over 60. Or is that the other way around? ...Wait a minute... what's a BP? I thought it stood for British Petroleum." -- Paramedic

"You're not being rational - you aren't really thinking. In fact, your brain is on back-to-front."
"Is not"
"Is too"
"Damn it. Maybe you're right. Maybe that explains the really loud 'BOOOIIINNNGGG' noise I've been hearing since 1978." -- Nick and Natalie

"I'm dreaming."
"Yes you are."
"Am I in heaven? Am I beautiful?"
"Yes you are."
"How beautiful?"
"Yes you are."
"The pain is gone. But the hunger."
"Yes you are."
"Uh... are you going to say anything other than 'Yes you are.'? Because if you're not, I really think this conversation is over." -- Elizabeth and Nick

"Her surgeon was a falcon." -- Nick

"I can't just walk away. Natalie needs me. I have to be here for Tracy. And I'm getting my legs waxed in three days." -- Nick

"How many lives were you able to save because of what you are?"
"Two. Only two. In 1981, I stopped Mrs. Harriet Fleebman from eating too much bran and last year I got a cat down from a tree in a thunder storm." -- Natalie and Nick

"You're drunk."
"Yeah... a little. Aren't you?"
"Not now. But last night..." -- Natalie and Nick

"Personally, I don't believe in an afterlife... but I am bringing a change of underwear just in case." -- Nick

"Hold up my cross! I can't... tennis elbow." -- Joan of Arc

"Remember that the faith we've lost is always there to regain... but that green sock will never be found." -- Joan of Arc

"Make love to me... failing that, give me some of your money." -- Natalie

"Is it possible for a vampire to have faith, LaCroix?"
"A strange question for this moment in time."
"Okay, then what is the capital of North Dakota?"
"Bismark."
"I have seen to much."
"Of Bismark?"
"Yes. Kill me." -- Nick and LaCroix

"You're drunk."
"Yeah"
"Have a nap. We'll talk it over later." -- LaCroix and Nick

"You... are my closest friend."
"Whatever." -- Nick and LaCroix

"I wonder what's on TV tonight." -- LaCroix