You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. --Frank Zappa
 
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. --Ernest Hemmingway
 
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. --Winston Churchill
 
He was a wise man who invented beer. --Plato
 
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine Zandonella
 
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. --W.C. Fields
 
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill;
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. --His reply
 
Sir, you're drunk!  --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill;
Yes, Madam, I am. But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly. --His reply
 
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. --David Daye
 
Work is the curse of the drinking class. --Oscar Wilde
 
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny Youngman
 
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin
 
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it  makes beer shoot out your nose. --Deep Thought, Jack Handy
 
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. --Dave Barry
 
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart
 
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. --David Moulton
 
People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot. --Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
 
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. --Kaiser Welhelm
 
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. --Homer Simpson
 
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. --Dave Barry
 
I drink to make other people interesting. --George Jean Nathan
 
They who drink beer will think beer. --Washington Irving
 
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. --For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway
 
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. --Dean Martin
 
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. --Homer Simpson