Disclaimer: All Highlander characters and ideas belong to Rysher. I'm just borrowing them for my demented little plots and promise to return them with wiped memories and pristine clothing. However, I claim all rights to the blackmail material gained on the characters from these stories. Oh, if anyone wants to play in this universe (Hey, you never know. Someone might want to.), just ask. I share my toys quite nicely :-).

I did not ingest, sniff, smoke, or slather onto my body any illegal or regulated substance while this was written. Although, I think if I had, this story probably would have been a bit saner.

The bare bones of this was written during a chat on IRC, where I wrote a story sentence by sentence. Thanks to Floppy and Tink (they know who they are) for reading that version. I then fluffed it up and decided to torment others with it. So, this is off-the-cuff and is spell-checked, but not beta read. Good luck to you all.

The Kingdom of Prince Dudley Do-Right

by Ninjababe

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there lived a just and kind prince, who, for this story, we shall name... Duncan [Author's Note: That is a totally random name]. In fact, he was so just and kind, that his personal advisor called him 'boyscout', sometimes even to his face.

The prince's personal advisor, who shall be called... Methos [Author's note: Again, this is a *totally* random name! I'm just good at picking them out of thin air!], was a cynical, world wise man who had seen much in his life.

Prince Duncan and Methos were out riding one day. Methos, being the worldly wise man, had picked a horse that wouldn't try to kill him. The prince, however, was riding his war mount.

The war mount, named Kenny for some bizarre reason [Author's Note: Ain't I good?], had perfected the art of making his rider's life a living hell. Kenny loved to buck at inopportune times, trot when he was told to walk, walk when he was told to gallop, and he even did a bizarre five beat trot at random intervals. And, of course, Kenny was acting up... again.

So, Methos, who had somehow perfected the art of sprawling on horseback, was
shaking his head at the antics of his Prince and the warhorse. "You should just put him out to stud or put him out of all of our miseries at least," Methos stated.

Prince Duncan looked offended. "I can't do that! He's a loyal mount!"

"Loyal mount, my ass," Methos replied with a snort. "How many times has he tried to throw you today? I lost count after fifteen."

"He's just spirited."

"No, you're just stubborn. You can't get it into your thick head that your horse doesn't like you."

Prince Duncan pretended not to hear his personal advisor's words as he stared at the countryside and all the women sighing at him [Author's Note: They were really watching Methos's sprawled figure, but we'll let the prince keep his illusion].

After a sedate ride... well, it was sedate for Methos... the two returned to the castle and handed the reins of their horses to a stablehand.

"My prince! My prince!" a female voice shrieked from behind the two noblemen.

"Yes?" Prince Duncan said with raised eyebrows, turning to see yet another woman running towards him. The prince reflexively held on to the woman as she flung herself into his arms.

Rolling his eyes, Methos went off to find himself a beer as the woman wailed in Prince Duncan's arms, telling her monarch about her evil cousin twice removed who had stolen her favorite hair comb.

"Do not cry, my loyal and oddly beautiful subject. I will get your hair comb back from your dastardly relative, even if it means decapitating the miscreant myself!" Duncan stated before yelling, "Methos!"

Methos popped his head out of the keep and into the courtyard. "Yes?"

"Don't you ever call me 'your highness'? And, can't you go anywhere without a beer in your hand?" Prince Duncan asked, exasperated.

"Look... I'll call you 'your highness' when I think you deserve it. And, if it weren't for the beer, I'd be off raping and pillaging. In fact, that's starting to look  better every day. Damn your father for tricking me into giving that damn oath to help you."

Prince Duncan glared for a moment before replying. "We must help this poor woman! Her relative stole her personal property and we'll have to get it back."

"I'll solve this," Methos replied, having dealt with this sort of thing before. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a piece of silver, which he then handed to the woman. "Here, this should cover your lost item. Now, scram."

And so, the woman was justly recompensated for her lost item, the Prince still didn't learn the rules of the world, and Methos had another beer.

The End
 

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